Depressed Girlfriend Afraid to See Me Again
My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Downward. I Feel Helpless!
My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to milkshake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that bear over into almost every aspect of our life together. I practise everything I tin can to help her, only I feel like I'chiliad just propping her upward, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to e'er ameliorate. I want so much to help her, but I experience like I have null else to requite. Information technology's to the signal where her low is dragging me downwards with her, though I would never say that to her. I experience as much like a flagman every bit I exercise a beau. I have thought about leaving, but I'1000 afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. Am I codependent? What's my upshot, and what steps can or should I take that would help both her and me? —Dragged Downwards
Honey Dragged Down,
It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. That takes incredible patience and pity, but it tin likewise accept a toll on you. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. Very often, when i takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the flagman loses touch with himself/herself. Information technology'south a positive sign that y'all seem to have a solid sense not only of where she is, only as well where you lot are. It besides seems like you take come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you lot go from here?
You've asked some really important questions about yourself: "Am I codependent?" "What'due south my issue?" "What steps can or should I take?" These questions are as important as they are complicated. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. You've managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up up with these questions. A trusted therapist will assistance you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. You might as well want to look for a caretakers' back up grouping. The burden on caretakers is pregnant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. You've been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to allow someone help you deport the load.
Yous mention that your girlfriend's medication does not seem to be helping her. The specific mention of medication merely not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. If she is non, I would suggest you encourage her to begin therapy, in add-on to the medication handling. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesn't address all of the issues that often underlie depression. In club for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive modify and lasting relief, she needs to exist working on these issues in therapy. Besides, information technology is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a full general practitioner, be managing her medication. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide improve care than a general practitioner.
As well, if her depression has lasted for years with no comeback, it might be fourth dimension to look at irresolute the treatment program. This could mean adding individual and/or grouping therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic arroyo, or making a change to her medication. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). If, after years of treatment, she isn't getting any better, something probably needs to change. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to exist an active participant in her treatment program and to hash out changes to this plan with her clinicians.
You took a bound when you wrote in with your question. I hope you will accept another 1 and find some support for yourself. This is a painful, complicated issue, and you lot deserve to take support as you lot work on figuring out what is best for you.
Respectfully,
Sarah
Sarah Noel
Sarah Noel, MS, LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist living and working in Brooklyn, New York. She specializes in working with people who are struggling through low, anxiety, trauma, and major life transitions. She approaches her work from a person-centered perspective, always acknowledging the people she works with as experts on themselves. She is honored and humbled on a daily basis to be able to partner with people at such critical points in their unique journeys.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/my-girlfriends-depression-is-bringing-me-down-i-feel-helpless
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